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Leadership & Life
7 Habits Of Highly Isolated Leaders
Mal Fletcher
Phillipians 1:3-8
Phillipians is a very special letter, with a heart-warming tone rather than the rebuke of the Corinthian letters. Paul does not need to establish his credentials here as he does in 2 Corinthians. These people love and appreciate Paul and he writes of his "affection" and "longing" for them.
At beginning of the letter, Paul speaks of a special bond: "Partnership".
As stated in an article in "Charisma" magazine, October 1995, 70% of local pastors say have no close friend, 70% say they have self-esteem problems lower than when entered ministry and 80% say their family has suffered because of ministry.
1. There are too many lonely/isolated leaders in the church who are ineffective because relationship is the essence of good leadership. A Stanford University study found over 75% of success is due to ability in relationships. Business schools teach that the most important tool for executives is a contacts list.
2. All effective ministries are the result of partnerships:
- between the leader and the Spirit ("Paracletos")
- between the leader and their spouse (a man who treats his wife badly will never experience the benefits of partnership, because he does not understand how partnership works - he is too threatened)
- between the leader and those he mentors
- between the leader and those he leads (many leaders see ministry as "us" vs. "them", a sport in which one side or other scores to win - Phillipians 1:5: says we are on the same team; partners in spreading the gospel. The word "joy" is used 16 times in Phillipians - there is a special joy in partnership) .
3. The difference between companionship and partnership - cf. Marriage: more than companionship, bound together in tough times: in church life we have many companions not many partners. - 2:20-21: Timothy a true partner reasons why some leaders are not in partnership
- 7 habits (attitudes) of highly isolated (ineffective) leaders:
1. LACK OF SHARED RESP. FOR HARD TIMES - Luke 5:1-10: Companions there for good catch; partners there when nets needed cleaning - plenty of leaders around who will want to share your success; not so many be there when catch is smaller & need to find new strat's.
- Partnership Means:
(a) being loyal in tough times - 4:2-3: Paul writes to an unnamed leader he calls "loyal yokefellow" (one bound by a yoke, to be part of others' destiny, good and bad) & speaks of two women who have "contented at my side" (stuck around when there was a fight on!)
(b) saying "we" need to improve:- not pointing finger to minimize own part- Adam's first symptom of death from sin: trying to min. own resp. - Ultimately this rationalizing always comes to blaming God - Elders: look for new pastor when things not going well - Pastors: criticize elders / own dept. leaders / spouse - Leaders can't form p'ships because have not learned first principle of l'ship: take ultimate resp. if something isn't working - ie. realise you have power to change it!
2. LACK OF PATIENCE - Leaders can't form p'ships because too insecure to put up with lack of results in short-term - Companions: immediate result or bail out of relationship - Another form of blaming - "can't be me, so fellow-leader must be to blame."
- Luke 5: would have been other fishless days - but partners could see possibilities ahead - long-term BENEFITS of being together outweighed any short-term problems
- In Bible, winners always knew how to wait, losers impatient:
- Couldn't wait: Adam (understanding); Esau (birthright); Saul (prophet, 1 Sam. 13); Prodigal Son (father's money); Judas Iscariot (benefits of Kingdom)
- Could wait: Abram (son); Joseph (dream); Moses (Israel's deliverance); David (deliverance from Saul, appointment as king); Paul (Christian min. to begin); God ("when fulness of time had come")
- Patience makes Time the servant of God / Impatience makes God the servant of Time
- Patience motivated by faith: "It will happen so I can wait" / Impatience motivated by fear/doubt: "It may not happen, so I will help along"
- Patience keeps us behind God where faith grows / Impatience moves us ahead of God where insecurity looms - Elisha (2 Kings 2): could wait for the mantle of prophet - didn't push his partner
3. LACK OF APPRECIATION OF DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES & EXPRESSIONS - Leaders don't form partnerships because don't understand difference b/n personality and morality (style vs. essence) - "Never been done this way before" / "Greatest pain to human nature is the pain of a new idea"
- What is APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR for me, might not be for other (and v.v) - differences b/n us was not always a matter of diff. b/n right and wrong, but our different ways of doing things were exp'ns of diff's b/n our personalities
- "Styles" are copied by Visionless Leaders: Cannot have Results w/out Strategy w/out Vision w/out Values (ie. Personal Mission Statement)
- Rom. 14: don't pass judgement on "disputable matters" (food & holy days) - not issues of sin but what is appropriate for me! v.16 "Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil." v22 "Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves."
- Establish your values, then remind yourself that they might not be in same order of priority for another leader. - don't let diff's put you out of reach of partnership.
4. LACK OF GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT TOWARD OTHERS' SUCCESS - Leaders can't form p'ships because not willing to promote another, or celebrate success - The great challenge for us today: to succeed in midst of others' success (there are more doing things; through communications we hear more!)
Tall Poppy Syndrome (cut down those who seem better than you: this is not just part of one culture or another, it is fallen human nature)
- "Prophet not w/out honour except in his own country..." was never intended by Jesus to be a statement of our ideal! We should show a different standard in honouring each other.
- Paul's generosity of spirit rubbed off on the Phil's: they became generous in: - sending of workers to help Paul ,eg. Epaphroditus (2:25) - receiving of workers sent by Paul, eg. Timothy (2:23) - giving financial aid to Paul out of their need (4:16)
- This generosity basis of all mentoring/discipling new leaders: Some of greatest Bible partnerships: Moses & Joshua / Elijah and Elisha / Barnabus & Paul / Paul & Timothy - Elijah: "if see me go, can have what asked (double anointing)" - generous, not threatend by ambition of young protege!
- Leaders who have no talented people around them should ask: "Is it because I can't stand others' success?" - If pray for workers for harvest, must accomodate them when come! (cf. Elders who should move over!!)
- Barnabus: accepted his limitations/the sphere of his call: didn't try to do a "Paul" - many leaders ineffective because struggling to wear Saul's armour! - Everyone doing same things (not well):
- GRACE: taking hold with view to letting go - opposite of Control
5. LACK OF WILLINGNESS TO BE ACCOUNTABLE TO EACH OTHER - Many leaders can't form p'ships because easier to be accountable to those over us in heirarchy (who pay wages, give us position) than those who stand next door at work bench!
- Accountability is a requirement, not a choice in partnership! (Why many church leaders do better when youth pastor than when become senior: won't keep accountability)
- Accountability: willingness to give and receive correction - giving part of being prophetic / receiving part of sub'n - BUT NOTE: Giving correction can only happen in context of partnership - cf. My new car: can only live on credit to a point - after this I become bad risk - Many leaders living beyond credit limit - trying to give correction out of proportion with investment have made into partnership
6. LACK OF HUMILITY - Leaders can't form partnerships because forget they're part of process, not Alpha & Omega!
i) Messiah Complex: Leader who must do all because only one who can - no time for partnership - Leader who falls in love with own image, usually dies trying to protect it!!!! (Narcissus.) - What are you involved in that doesn't have your name on it? -
ii) Unwillingness to restore a repentant brother to fellowship, friendship - seeing rightful discipline as excuse to change everythng I don't like about a leader!
7. LACK OF WILLINGNESS TO BE A FRIEND - Leaders can't form p'ships because afraid to get close - Bottom line: can't be in partnership w'out building friendships
- Phil. 2: Our unity not just mystical but practical: "deep-spirited friends" (cf. deep pockets - big store to draw from vs. living on credit - role, position, learning etc.)
- Pastors move on before time because cannot live on credit anymore, cannot get away with keeping people at arms length, making no investment in rel'p - Elders: push pastors out because don't want to have real friendship
When we consider what the Cross reveals about our God - that He loves and wants to promote relationship, with us and b/n us - we have to say that 70% of leadership feeling alone is way too high! Don't wait for others to offer you partnership, take the initiative yourself.
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